Feelings of uncertainty

It can come out of nowhere. I’m humming along, invested in what I’m making. I am in the groove and knee deep in creation. Then…wham. It could be an Instagram or Facebook post or newsletter touting another artist’s accomplishment, an announcement for an exhibit from which I got rejected, an artist’s solo show at a museum. It can seem like every other artist I know is succeeding. Feelings of uncertainty and insecurity flood me and my green-eyed monster roars back. As do the voices. “I’m not far enough along. I’m missing something. Why didn’t this happen for me? My work isn’t …(fill in the blank)…good enough…conceptual enough…contemporary enough. Immediately after these feelings cascade in, I start to feel childish and petty. Small. This is quickly followed by annoyance and shame. I am genuinely excited for my artist friends and peers and happy they are achieving their goals. I do not like the sensation of envy. Green does not look good on me. So I try to become curious about what is actually triggering my green-eyed monster. Getting curious allows room to evaluate what is underneath those unwelcome feelings of envy.