For over a year…

Through lockdown, pandemic restrictions and fears, political unrest, economic hardship and civil unrest; through a fraught administration change, a growing hope for a return to kindness, and the possibility of effective vaccines… Emergence grew and morphed similarly to the atmosphere I was steeped in did.

Made up of thousands of hand dyed and stitched silk cocoons the process is time and labor-intensive, but the result is beautiful and unsettling. I envision the piece crawling across the wall, creeping across corners. Benevolent or sinister depending on what it is thought to be and how it is perceived. A push-pull between wanting to stroke the velvety textures and being repulsed by the thought of the larvae they contained.

A vision becoming real

I was looking forward to seeing it live in the real world and not in bits and pieces scattered around my studio. Space is limited in my much enjoyed home studio. I have limited wall space on which to hang installation projects. Often the pieces live in my head more than in the studio. So, I was thrilled to have an opportunity to show the piece in the Together apART: Creating during COVID exhibition at ArtsWestchester.

Arriving at the exhibition space I was excited to find I had been given an entire wall. I spent several hours manipulating the sections that I had created. Finally I stepped back and looked at the piece fully installed… Immediately I was dismayed at how little the installation covered the wall. I realized I needed more sections. Thankfully the gallery director told me the exhibit did not open for a week and if I wanted to come back the following week I could add to the installation.

The clock started…

Suddenly I was neck deep in trying to source cocoons, dyes, and even people to try to make my vision come true. For days my hands were stained blue and brown since I was often so absorbed in the task at hand that I forgot at times to put on gloves! My fingers became pin cushions. There were moments I didn't even realize I was bleeding until one of the cocoons I was working on turned red. I asked/begged/hired a good artist friend and advisor of mine who helped me stitch one day for almost 5 hours. It was wonderful to have company, a trusted artist with whom to share sketches and ideas, laughter and tea.

The last two nights were near-all-nighters, staying up until 3 AM and 5 AM, with only several hours sleep each night. It was taxing…yet thrilling. I listened to podcasts, and books, music and artist interviews. Energized, I could see the piece growing before my eyes. My groggy husband stumbled in in the middle of the night at one point to remark” you didn’t pull all-nighters in college…but you decide to now?”

Perhaps it was the enticement of a site-specific goal and vision. Making for all those months, I had to trust that at some point the work would go out into the world and be seen. I had no idea where, or how. There were moments when I questioned myself and doubts wriggled in. However, the installation demanded to be made. It demanded I see it through. It was an intense five days.

Back at the exhibition space

When I stood back from the installation, I was exhilarated. Also, a little loopy and relieved. The kind of relief that sinks in when I truly dedicate and throw myself into a project. Though physically and mentally exhausted, it was satisfying to see the work alive and out in the world. I took pride in being able to make this happen. Already there were ideas percolating about possible next steps. But that is for an upcoming post!

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